Never Let Him See You Pee

At a Superbowl party this weekend my friends Cathy, Julie and Joslyn were talking about the secrets to a happy marriage. One of Joslyn's favorites - never let him see you pee. Now while I do agree with this, I can't remember the last time I used the bathroom with the door shut. You see, a mother behind a closed door is a magnet for screaming, crying, knocking kids.

This morning, for example, I'm in the shower, enjoying some peace and quiet, thinking about my mammogram today, when someone comes in. I can tell by the sound of the footsteps it isn't Bryon. Then, the shower curtain is flung open and there stands Sam, holding a light saber, and Jake, holding our neighbor's Barney guitar. Our bathroom is very small, so soon all the warm air is out of the room and I'm wet, cold and exposed. Sam shuts the door, but they stay in the room.

Next I hear a thud, like a melon hitting the floor - Jake's head hitting the tile. As he gets up he activates the Barney guitar so now I am showering with an open shower curtain, Sam swinging the light saber, Jake crying, and the Barney guitar playing a tinny version of 'She'll Be Coming Round the Mountain.'

So much for easing into my day.