September 11
Six years ago this morning I was about 7 months pregnant with Sam, sitting in our driveway putting on makeup (I wasn't organized enough without children to get ready in the mornings, what was I thinking would happen with three kids?) when I turned on NPR and heard a surreal broadcast. You could tell something was very wrong but it seemed like forever before the reporters explained what was happening. At that point the World Trade Center had been attacked but we hadn't heard about the Pentagon or the plane that went down in Pennsylvania.
Like I said I was pregnant with Sam and like a lot of mothers-to-be I had had those feelings of what kind of world am I bringing a child into. Those feelings were obviously worse that morning, especially when no one understood the extent of what was happening. I pictured trying to have and raise a baby in a post-apocalyptic, post-nuclear world, much like an awful nuclear education film I'd been forced to watch in junior high. Even though I was not directly affected by the events of 9-11, I had nightmares for awhile. Most of them involved me getting separated from Bryon and an infant while planes flew overhead and bombs fell, much like a science fiction movie.
So six years later I am a little saddened and ashamed to admit that the events of September 11 had little affect on me personally. Like others I may have more appreciation of the little things, knowing that things can change so quickly, so unexpectedly. But I didn't lose a loved one or a colleague, and living in Texas, I feel physically and somewhat emotionally removed from the events and their aftermath.
I still occasionally have nightmares about getting separated from my kids. But more often I fear that they will be bullied at school or have to eat lunch alone or won't have playmates on the playground. Sam cried last night because he said he doesn't have enough time to eat his lunch and he gets hungry in the afternoon. I know he was sleepy but it was heartbreaking, picturing little Sam trying to speed through the lunch I'd packed, struggling to open his pack of apples or his pudding.
That said I am fortunate I am not one those people I saw on TV this morning, holding up a picture of a loved one they lost 6 years ago today, forced to remember them in a brief moment of silence.
Like I said I was pregnant with Sam and like a lot of mothers-to-be I had had those feelings of what kind of world am I bringing a child into. Those feelings were obviously worse that morning, especially when no one understood the extent of what was happening. I pictured trying to have and raise a baby in a post-apocalyptic, post-nuclear world, much like an awful nuclear education film I'd been forced to watch in junior high. Even though I was not directly affected by the events of 9-11, I had nightmares for awhile. Most of them involved me getting separated from Bryon and an infant while planes flew overhead and bombs fell, much like a science fiction movie.
So six years later I am a little saddened and ashamed to admit that the events of September 11 had little affect on me personally. Like others I may have more appreciation of the little things, knowing that things can change so quickly, so unexpectedly. But I didn't lose a loved one or a colleague, and living in Texas, I feel physically and somewhat emotionally removed from the events and their aftermath.
I still occasionally have nightmares about getting separated from my kids. But more often I fear that they will be bullied at school or have to eat lunch alone or won't have playmates on the playground. Sam cried last night because he said he doesn't have enough time to eat his lunch and he gets hungry in the afternoon. I know he was sleepy but it was heartbreaking, picturing little Sam trying to speed through the lunch I'd packed, struggling to open his pack of apples or his pudding.
That said I am fortunate I am not one those people I saw on TV this morning, holding up a picture of a loved one they lost 6 years ago today, forced to remember them in a brief moment of silence.
posted by Romine Family at 10:11 AM
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