Thursday, April 26, 2012

Spoilsport

A week or so ago Jake lost his lunchbox at school. Not really a problem. I was actually surprised it took this long. But after a few days of hot lunches and brown bags I told him I would buy a new lunchbox. Which I did yesterday - the day he found his lunchbox.

So now we have two, which is fine. I'll keep the new one for next year. What was bothersome, however, was the state of the lost lunchbox. Judging by its contents I think his last lunch was some sort of spaghetti or ravioli, maybe bread, and apples or applesauce. I think there was a napkin in there. Thankfully I had sent water not milk that day. But still, week-old Chef Boyardi, warmed by unseasonal temperatures and moistened by rain ... I had to literally hose it down in the backyard.

So now there's one more thing I can't stand the smell of since I've had kids. Another? Macaroni and cheese. I don't remember having mac and cheese 100 times a week when I was a kid. My grandmother made a homemade mac and cheese that was a treat, not a staple. I have been forever ruined by the generic and artificial blandness of Kraft mac and cheese and its ilk.

Pancakes. If Jake has been on this earth 2555 days he has probably started 2000 of those days with pancakes. It's not the pancakes necessarily but the syrup I can't stand. I hate the smell of syrup. And I imagine that once he stops eating pancakes (how can he not be sick of pancakes?) I will never order, eat, make, microwave another pancake.

Ketchup. I could live without ketchup. I don't need it for my french fries. Never on hot dogs or hamburgers. But for Jake, ketchup is a vessel for other foods. He has been known to eat ketchup sandwiches. His ketchup sometimes requires chicken nuggets. And everytime I put a hot dog or nuggets or applesauce in his lunchbox I have to include a container of ketchup. A container that I have to clean out at the end of the day. I prefer the smell of used cat litter to the smell of ketchup, especially when it's mixed with hot water and dish detergent.

Cheese Whiz. Again, it's not like I have the opportunity to have Cheese Whiz very often. But one of Jake and Abby's favorite snacks is a pretzel and cheese for dipping. I have to admit, it's tasty. But cleaning out the toxicity that is hardened Cheese Whiz spoils the whole experience.

Lucky for my kids I have yet to tire of chocolate chip cookies. Or Pop Tarts. 'Cause the day you tire of Pop Tarts - that's not a day worth living.