Present Tense

Long ago I started working from home because I thought to be a good parent I had to be a 'present' parent. That's one thing when your kids are little and simply want to be around you, but as they get older, well, you are expected to do so much more. Before you know it, a 'present' parent morphs into an omnipresent parent. And in between the chaperoning and baking and teaching and guiding and advising and disciplining and volunteering, it's hard to stop and wonder if you are still doing the right thing.

Until recently, if someone would've asked me if staying home with my kids was the right thing, I would've answered without hesitation, "Yes, it's a good thing. They know they can rely on me. I am involved in their lives and their days. I know their whereabouts and activities."

But recently Jake has been in some trouble at school, and it's made me realize, quite suddenly, like it's the most novel idea in the world, that maybe he shouldn't be here with me in the afternoon. In one of the oldest cliches, I am a mother hen who is smothering her chick. At this point in his life, he needs some freedom, some independence. He needs his friends. He needs relationships that don't involve me or his siblings and playgrounds that are bigger than his front yard.

So this week we enrolled Jake in an after-school program. There is a wait list so I don't know when he'll start, but we will wait because it is a good program, filled with his friends and exercise and play. It will be strange when he isn't here in the afternoons, but I am optimistic and hopeful that this is the right thing for him.

And I'm reminded that quite often being a good parent is just as much about letting go as it is holding on.