A Heavy Mind

Sam's become something of a worrier lately. I'm a little surprised because he's never been that way and his dad and I aren't worriers. At least I don't think so. Someone reading this who knows us may disagree but ...

Mostly he's worried about family. I think the recent death of our cat Nash got his little brain spinning. He wants to know when he's going to die, when Jake's going to die. If I will be there to 'lift him up' when it happens. It's really a little too much for me to talk about but he doesn't seem to accept my standard answer of "We're young and healthy and it's not going to happen for a long time so let's not worry about it now, OK?"

Bryon just got back from his dad's and since he's been back, Sam's very worried about his presence, I guess I could say. Long story, but earlier this week we followed Bryon to a U-Haul rental so he could return a rental truck and although he was in front of us the whole time, Sam kept saying he was going faster than us, he was getting ahead, a car was going to get in between and Bryon would be lost.

Yesterday coming home from work I missed the turn to Bryon's office and that sent Sam reeling. "He's getting further away." and "He won't know where we are." It's really kind of sad. Probably normal, but a little unexpected and sad.

He's also been very afraid of thunderstorms lately. During our last thunderstorm the power went out just as Sam was making his way to our bed, which didn't help. Yesterday on the car radio he heard the forecast of thunderstorms and immediately was anxious. "There are going to be thunderstorms tonight so can I sleep in your bed?" The funny part is that, yes, we had thunderstorms, at about 3:45 a.m. and although they were loud enough to startle me out of a sound sleep and keep me awake for an hour (I find that as a homeowner I enjoy thunderstorms less. I can't help thinking of our leaky roof or the sapling we just planted or what we probably left out in the yard that's getting ruined), but during the whole show, neither Sam nor Jake made a peep.

I find this especially interesting because the other day, during a feverish night for Jake, it took me 35 minutes, I kid you not, to walk backwards out of his room after getting him asleep. With every little creak and pop of the floor his eyelids would flutter open and he'd turn his head toward me. The patting and shushing would continue for a few more minutes. First doubletime, then slower, then I would just hover my hand above his bum. Then I would back away from the crib, like I was walking through a minefield. Eventually I made it.