Perspective

Fortunately for me, one of the happiest moments of my life was captured in a photograph. The moment Sam and Jake met Abby my mom snapped a picture and to me, it represents happiness. I am sitting near a window in the hospital room, Abby is nursing and Sam and Jake have just entered and crossed the room to meet her. Without a thought, Jake kissed her head and Sam stroked her hand. The look on my face is pure joy and excitement and pride. I'll remember that moment all my life - it was exactly the way you'd hope your older kids would greet the new baby - but having the photograph solidifies the memory. And on days when things don't seem to be going smoothly I have the photo as a reminder that once there was peace. And, most likely, there will be again.

I was looking at that photograph last night when I realized Jake was just about Abby's age now when she was born. And it caught me off guard. Maybe I'm a little more protective of Abby than I was of Sam or Jake at her age, but I don't see that she would be at all ready for a baby - like it would be unfair to divert the spotlight from her. She seems so much like a baby herself.

But apparently I didn't feel that way about Jake. To be honest he probably never had the spotlight. I remember being very pregnant and still trying to rock him to sleep at nap time. But I don't remember much rocking after Abby came along. We scooted him out of his crib so Abby could have it. It's as if he went from 2 to 4 overnight.

So once again I'm vowing to be more patient, more sensitive with Jake. I need to remember he's not Sam and he's not Abby. And that, above all else, he's only 4.