Ingredients

You know that Jake can be quite a pisher. He can be spiteful, moody and downright mean, but he also can give great hugs and be extremely kind. This Sunday, before the Sunday School lesson, some of the kids completed profiles - my name is, my favorite color is, my favorite food is - and one of the questions was 'my family is made up of ..."

I didn't look at Jake's profile until today when I was cleaning up the filing cabinet that is also known as the dining room table. According to Jake, his family is made up of ... love.

See? Pisher.

Sick

Like lots of babies, Sam and Jake had a lot of ear infections. As a new parent I remember being baffled and frustrated by Sam's ear infections, enough so that Jake was only months old before I asked the doctor, "When can he get tubes in his ears?"

But Abby never wrestled with ear infections. Until this weekend. Saturday morning she woke up with a fever but no other symptoms until 11:30 Saturday night. Add in a midnight thunderstorm and a cat fight outside the window, and momma didn't get much sleep Saturday night.

And while tending to a baby with an ear infection is physically and mentally exhausting, it is almost harder when the child can vocalize. Granted it was much easier to diagnose; Abby told me "My left ear feels crunchy. There's a balloon in my ear. It hurts only on this side." (And she was 100% right.) But it was heartbreaking to watch her squirm and try to get comfortable and have her look up at me and say, "Mama, help me!"

So Sunday afternoon I took her to the quick clinic. Of course I wanted her to feel better, but I also didn't think I could manage another sleepless night.

All I can say is that doctors have changed a lot since I was a kid. Even though Abby's doctor is great, the quick clinic has got it down. They gave her a coloring book and taped her finished product to the office door. She immediately befriended another 4-year-old in the waiting room, and when the office staff heard the girls babbling about princesses, they put Enchanted in the DVD player. After her checkup she was given a teddy bear.

So after a dose of antibiotic and some anti-inflammatory ear drops, everyone got a good night's sleep. And through it all Abby didn't lose her spirit or her empathy. When I went to wake her up this morning she was making her bed, and when I thanked her, she said, "Well, after this weekend, I thought you might be tired."

Ouch

This morning I was sitting at the table with Abby in my lap while she ate her toast and tea. I had one hand around her waist and with the other hand I was replying to a work email, when she said, "When I grow up and my daughter says come and play, I'm going to close my computer and play."

Sigh.

Not So Super Mom

So Bryon and I had a "discussion" yesterday after I'd had a particularly stressful day. I got up as usual, answered a dozen emails, fed the dog and cats, made 2 lunches and 3 breakfasts (4 if you count mine, which I shouldn't because I usually don't eat it), unclogged one toilet, read a book with Jake, checked two sets of homework, completed Jake's reading log, finished 72 birthday party invitations (yes, 72, and yes I made them ONLY because they had to be in English and Spanish), broke up 2 fights and started my period all before 8:30.

I will not even begin to detail the labyrinthine chaos that occupied me from 3-6. So shortly after 6 I did what I usually do, which is make an impulsive, angry phone call to my husband.

"The problem is that you try to be super mom," he told me.

On one hand I disagree. I know a couple super moms; I am not one of them. They manage the aforementioned tasks with what appears to be little effort and lots of grace. I have the grace of Mary Katherine Gallagher, and the effort? Sometimes it feels downright Herculean. Sisyphean. I am constantly on the go, frequently double booked, often agitated and typically end my day with wine.

On the other hand I agree. Sort of. It's not that I try to be super mom, it's that I HAVE to be. It is my experience and opinion that if you ever let up, the wheels fall off. You can't stop pedalling a bike and expect to coast for very long. I stopped doing laundry Saturday for four hours and it was apocalyptic.

"But you never ask for help and I can't read your mind," he told me. He is right in that I don't think I have ever said to anyone, "I need help." But I can't read my cat's mind either and I can tell when he's hungry. Just by watching him I could tell he was sick last month. I can take one look at Sam and know if he's had a bad day or look at Abby for a split second when she gets up and know how well she slept. You know why? Because I pay attention.

Along with the other activities yesterday a repair man came to fix a shattered window in the boys' room. The whole time he was working I was jumping from the computer to the laundry to the kids' rooms, up and down the stairs, sweeping, cleaning the aforementioned toilet. When the repair man was finished I walked him to the door, he shook my hand and said, "Thank God for the wives and mothers."

Yes, thank you. At the end of the day, when all is said and done, a thank you or a pat on the back would be ... well, super.

Punch Drunk Love

So Abby and I have this inside "joke." Whenever she does something silly or funny or gets away with something naughty, I ask her, "Abby, what's it like to be you?"

The first few times she didn't get it, but now whenever I ask, she responds with, "Pretty good, actually."

Since the boys are camping with their dad this weekend I have been with Abby 24/7 all weekend, and while I agree it is "pretty good" to be her I think hanging out with Abby is a little like hanging out with a drunk college girl.

Example: Whenever she leaves school she runs to every classmate to give them a hug and tell them she loves them.

Example: Yesterday she'd walked about 2 blocks with one of her shoes loose and flopping. She'd tolerated it that long because she was too busy singing You Are My Sunshine as loud as she could. But when she decided to stop and fix her shoe she hiked up her dress (to reveal her Halloween-themed underwear), plopped down on the busy sidewalk and proceeded to fix her shoe.

Example: We recently had some new bedroom furniture delivered. Abby immediately fixated on one of the delivery men, then stood on the patio, winking and blowing kisses as he traipsed in and out of the house.

Example: Last week the kids and I were at a restaurant waiting for our food when Abby noticed a handsome man at the next table. After staring at him for awhile she slowly got out of her chair, walked over to him, tapped him on the arm and said, "Hi. Do you like rock and roll?" (She was about to serenade him and wanted to know if he preferred Joan Jett to Debbie Reynolds.)

So really, what's it like to be so uninhibited, confident, affectionate and shameless? I can only hope she is able to keep those qualities as she gets older - through puppy love and heartbreaks, past the "mean girls" and callous boys. I hope she can be confident not arrogant, uninhibited but careful and wise. Loved and loving.

I hope that no matter if she is 5, 15, 25 or 50 I will be able to ask "What's it like to be you?" and she will honestly say "pretty good, actually."

Happy

So Saturday was Jake's 7th birthday. First of all, geesh, seven. If I really try I can remember the first few weeks and everything that's happened since Sunday.

We didn't have a party for Jake on his birthday for several reasons. Firstly, I'm a loser. Secondly, Jake changed his mind about a party several times, up to and including the day before his birthday. Thirdly, you would be surprised at how many venues don't seem to need birthday party business and hence, do not return calls or emails. And lastly, you would be surprised at how many venues think $1200 is an appropriate fee for a child's birthday party.

So instead of a party Jake got to dictate the day, and believe me, for Jake, that's probably better than a party. He didn't have any outrageous requests so despite his "it's my birthday so I can do whatever I want" attitude and his siblings "it may be his birthday but why does he get to do whatever he wants" attitudes I think the day was a success.

He had a monster cinnamon roll for breakfast. Grandma Fran and Grandpa Larry came and we all went to the zoo. Then we went to Target so he could spend his Target gift cards. For the next couple of hours he and Sam played with his new Legos, and for dinner we went to Dave & Buster's so he could play games and win an Angry Bird.

After Dave & Buster's he got to have a camp out in the living room, pick 3 TV shows to watch, and stay up way too late. A good day for a seven-year-old. Heck, a good day for a 37-year-old.

I'm thinking seven might be a banner year for Jake. He loves school and homework, seems whip smart and may even be taking an interest in those drums he's been learning for a year now. He's learned to read and ride his bike. It's funny that for the time being Jake seems to be coasting ...

I love this photo from the zoo. As you can see from Jake's face he is relishing his day. Sam and Abby, not so sure.