Wednesday, June 04, 2014

S Is For ...

So anyone within a 50-mile radius has heard about Jake's troubles at school this year. For whatever reason he didn't click with his teachers. In fact, he clashed. Day after day after day. Most of the time I sided with the teachers because I couldn't imagine a professional teacher would really hold a grudge against a student. And because when I was Jake's age we knew a lot of teachers, my mom worked in a school, and I just always felt you treated them with respect and reverence.

But Jake didn't see it that way. He thought his teachers were out to get him. He thought they ignored him and when they didn't ignore him, they treated him unfairly. It created a lot of angst at home, and from the look on his teacher's face at the end of most days, a lot of angst at school too.

As the year closes, the kids bring home a lot of art work and stories. Yesterday Jake brought home his third-grade memory book. It is heartbreaking. In his self-portrait he drew himself in a "I ♥ Peanuts" shirt. On the 'write a great memory' page he wrote "I don't have one because my teachers don't like me." And in the accompanying drawing he is crying. What did he learn? How to get in trouble. When was he helpful? Never because my teachers don't call on me or won't let me help. His proudest moment? The night he thought his teachers would accept his help. And finally his acrostic poem:

S: so boring
C: can't have fun
H: hurts so bad
O: OMG, I want to go home
O: Owen can deal with the teachers because they like him
L: Loving (not)

I wish I had trusted him a little more instead of thinking he was delusional. I wish he would've found the unconditional support a struggling third grader needs. I wish I realized he was hurting that bad and done something about it.

For the past couple of weeks we've been telling Jake to just hold on, he's almost there. He can put this year behind him and he'll never have to see his teacher again. In fact, he changes schools next year. A clean slate. I have such hopes for him next year. And such fears.

Monday, June 02, 2014

Under Where?

So I haven't written in a long time. It's not for a lack of material. I could write about the impending summer vacation. Or Sam's confirmation yesterday. Or the fact that we got really close to losing Tag, only to have him rebound like a much younger dog. I could write about Jake's fascination with hockey. Or that I haven't bought groceries in a month because we never eat together and we never eat at home. In the past four weeks Sam got in a fist fight at school and Jake threatened to burn down a teacher's house. Summer needs to start soon before my boys are expelled.

But instead I want to tell of an incident Saturday morning that is so typical of my life these days. Bryon and Jake were up very early for a hockey game. Sam was at a sleepover. When Abby and I woke up I jumped out of bed, and threw on a t-shirt and jeggings so we could run to the store to shop for an impromptu afternoon play date. If you aren't familiar with jeggings they are a cross between jeans and leggings. They feel like tights but look like jeans. Comfortable but rarely attractive.

We get to the store, grab a cart and about the time we hit the bread aisle I notice something bulky in my jeggings. Thank goodness jeggings are tight because after I hid behind a display of cakes I realized I had some other clothes stuck in my pants.

I stilted around the grocery store for 10 minutes, got all the play date supplies and headed home to find an extra pair of underwear in my pants. I felt ridiculous. And stupid. And thankful the underwear didn't end up on the grocery store floor. And it made me realize I need to slow down a little bit.